I have been working on a story lately. It is actually a rewrite of a rewrite of a rewrite of a story my cousin and I collaborated on many years ago. I have made a few attempts to write it in a final form but I always seem to get derailed and end up not finishing what I have started. That is why, in the tradition of Gestalt therapy, I have invited my writer’s block here today to discuss what is going on and perhaps get to the bottom of it.
WS : Let’s cut to the chase. Why do you block me?
WB : The simple answer is that I am writer’s block and blocking your writing is what I do. But I know that you are not looking for the simple answer. You want to know why I desire to block you. I could answer that question in one of two ways. The first way I could go is that I block you for your own protection. Whatever you are attempting to write about or the reason for which you are trying to write is causing you to push up against a fear. I am protecting you from having to experience this fear. The second way I could go is that I am blocking you from writing because I am fucking with you. Which way do you think I am going?
WS : Probably the first one.
WB : I suspect you are right although it is difficult to be sure. Why I think you are correct, however, is that writer’s block is a type of lethargy, procrastination or inaction. This is always fear based although it feels like laziness. The fucking with comes in afterwards when you beat yourself up for being lazy.
WS : Alright let’s go with the protection theory. I like that better anyway. So what do you think I am afraid of?
WB : Most writers experience a fear of being judged. When they write they are being vulnerable. What they have written is intended for others to read and there is a bit of vanity involved. So there is the fear that they will be judged for being or appearing to be vain.
WS : Is that my fear?
WB : That’s part of it. But there is another related fear there too.
WS : What is it?
WB : I’m not going to do all the work for you. I block you to protect you from this fear. That means there is a feeling that would be triggered if I allowed you to write this book. This feeling is unendurable or at least you think it is unendurable. So you won’t go there. What do you think this feeling is?
WS : I don’t know.
WB : You do, but it makes you too uncomfortable to articulate it. So you pretend not to know. Actually, “pretend” is too strong a word and it suggests that you are aware of this dynamic which you are not. Let’s say that approaching this fear becomes uncomfortable and so you by default veer off course. It is something along those lines.
WS : So the fear does your work for you?
WB : I am merely a personification of this dynamic playing out within you. You have personified me to have this dialog in order to better understand the dynamic. You know all that so don’t waste our time asking me those types of questions.
WS : I apologize.
WB : No problem. Let’s just move forward. The solution to this problem is that you must face the fear and endure this feeling. The good news is that you don’t really have to identify or label the feeling you fear in order to have gnosis of it. All you have to do is write the story and notice when you feel blocked. Then you will know that you are pushing up against it.
WS : What do I do then? How do I get through it?
WB : I have a simple answer but not an easy one. There is no other way to get through it than to get through it. In other words, you cannot face your fear without experiencing what makes you afraid.
WS : I understand that. But when I sit down to write and nothing comes out it just feels like I am experiencing writer’s block. I don’t have any sense at all that I am afraid of something. It just feels like I can’t do it.
WB : Yes. I am very good at what I do. I am so good that I can explain the dynamic to you and you still will not be able to get past it. Just remember that I do it for your own protection.
WS : Now it feels like you are fucking with me.
WB : Does it?
WS : What if I told you that I do not want your protection? I willingly want to endure the feeling by facing my fear.
WB : Are you sure about that?
WS : Yes.
WB : If you were sure then you would face your fear. You would not need me to be here. Remember, I am merely a personification of the dynamic at play inside of you. It may serve your purposes to think of me as a separate entity with a fully independent will of my own but that is not really an accurate description of reality.
WS : What are you saying?
WB : What I am saying is that if your writing is blocked it’s because you want your writing to be blocked. And like I said at the beginning of this conversation we can go one of two ways. Either you block your writing because you are protecting yourself from something or you block your writing because you are fucking with yourself.
WS : Why would I want to fuck with myself?
WB : We’ll have to leave it there for now. We’ve exceeded 1,000 words.