Your ego is the source of your pride and shame. All the shitty things you do that you regret later on is the fault of the ego. Your ego came into being because you encountered the pride and shame of others and internalized this energy under the misconception that internalizing these qualities would protect you and help you survive in a dangerous world. The world is dangerous because it is filled with people governed by the whims of their egos. So you adopted an ego too. With an ego you would fit in with everyone else. With an ego you could protect yourself by lashing out when threatened and always being on guard for threats that might materialize. Other people would encounter the energy of your ego and develop egos of their own. And so the over all system self-propagated like a virus infecting bodies and spreading to other bodies.
In a sense your ego is a blessing because you do not need to feel responsible for those crimes you committed while your ego drove the ship of self. It is your ego that is to blame and your ego is not yourself. It is something other than your true self. Therefore you may forgive yourself for these things you feel shitty about. More accurately, there is nothing to forgive. You had falsely accused yourself of these crimes your ego really committed. Your ego set you up.
But isn’t this argument just a convenient way to get yourself off the hook and avoid taking responsibility for your own actions? Recognize it is your ego who is asking this question. Your ego does not want you to recognize that your ego is not really part of your true self. When you do not recognize this separation your ego can take control and steer the ship. When you do not recognize this you take the blame for your ego’s actions and your ego gets off scott free. In a sense, your ego hides itself within yourself by convincing you it is yourself.
But what about the victims of the crimes committed by your ego? Are they to take comfort in the fact that it was not your true self who wronged them but rather it is your ego who is the true culprit? Of course not. You may differentiate between your ego and your true self but other people do not do this. To them you will always be the sum of all your actions. It is your responsibility to separate yourself from your ego. In that sense you are responsible for your ego’s actions. But you cannot separate yourself from your ego without first realizing your ego is in fact separate. You cannot be blamed for not knowing what you do not know.
Even the concept of blame and the concept that there must be someone who should be blamed is an ego invented concept. Your ego wants to blame others to shift the blame from itself. And so it blames others. And so it blames you and you feel shitty for the things you have done.
You may forgive yourself. It is not your fault.