Tag Archives: Document Review

Getting Laid Off After Eight Years of Misery

Trolling does not have the same hold on me now because I have made progress with shame.  To make progress I first had to hit rock bottom, which occurred between 2009 and 2013. In 2009 my marriage was horrible.  My wife and I did not get along at all.  I was stressed out of my mind from my job and my home life.  I remember thinking at the time the best part of my day was the time I spent commuting on from my house to work.  I smoked a cigarette on the way to the bus.  I spent a large part of my workday trolling Sistertrek.  I drank at least five alcoholic drinks practically every night.  I was a mess.

At the time I was working this pharmaceutical document review in a building near Logan Circle in Philadelphia.  This was considered to be a high-end document review with a million different rules that I never fully learned and I do not think most people really understood. I could tell my supervisor thought I did not know what I was doing which made me depressed and anxious.  Looking back on it I could tell I was self-sabotaging.

The building I worked in was near the basilica in Logan Circle.  I went to the basilica during my lunch hour and prayed a novena to St. Jude the patron saint of lost causes that something would happen to change my career and my life.

 St. Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases, and of things despaired of. Pray for me who am so distressed. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded you to bring visible and speedy help where help was almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, particularly, to bring change and progress to my career and my life and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. St. Jude, apostle, martyr, and relative of our Lord Jesus Christ, of Mary, and of Joseph, intercede for us!

On the ninth day of the novena I received a call from human resources to come to the main office building of the firm which at this time was in the Cira Center next to 30th Street Station. I knew why they called me.  People had been laid off in waves for months.  I feared the day but thought I was safe because I actually had work to do and real billable hours.  I figured the people they were letting go could not bill enough to justify their salaries.  At the time Dechert was all about streamlining expenses and cutting perks that made life less miserable for the employees.  After receiving the call I deleted all the personal files on my laptop and walked down JFK Boulevard to the Cira Center.

When I got there I was ushered into a conference room with two human resources people.  They had empathy plastered on their faces.  They seemed surprised when they asked me if I had any questions and I said no.  I am sure they were used to people blowing up at them.  On some basic level I felt relieved.  I had spent eight miserable years working at Dechert and this day would be my last.  Although there was brightness associated with closing this miserable chapter of my life I was about to begin a hellish, four-year period of being unemployed and underemployed.  Everything was about to get worse before it could get better.

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How My Shame Journey Opened the Door to Trolling

One day the partner in charge of the document archive called a meeting of the entire staff in the conference room.  This included the Staff Attorneys, the paralegals and the secretaries.  He announced that the document archive would be closing by the end of the year.  I remember he had a smile on his face perhaps expressing that this burden he had been assigned was finally over.  For the Staff Attorneys this was a chilling message.  We all knew these jobs were not career path jobs and the tobacco litigation would end at some point.  On the other hand we had settled in to our well paid, low stress positions.  Because we had been only performing document review we had no real attorney skills.  So, any attempt to transition into another “real attorney” job at a different firm would be difficult.  The prospect of unemployment scared me.

Fortunately the partner who ran the document archive advocated for the Staff Attorneys to other partners at the firm.  One partner for the New York office needed a staff to draft answers for litigation involving a well known pharmaceutical company that had made a drug that allegedly caused heart attacks and strokes.  The New York partner was a bit of a marshmallow in stature from too many years sitting behind a desk and eating at high end restaurants.  His personality, however, was direct and to the point.  There were thousands of plaintiffs filing suit against this pharmaceutical company all across the country and each of these suits required a document called an “Answer” responding to all the points in the “Complaint”.  What this meant for me was not that I would be using my legal skills to draft these answers.  It meant I would be looking at the form answer drafted by one of the associates.  The form answer contained different ways of denying every point on the complaint.  Even simple factual points such as the pharmaceutical company was located in a particular state.  I would be cutting and pasting answers from the form into the new answer I was drafting.

The work was mindless and at a certain point there was not enough work to go around.  I remember billing an entire day to draft an answer that probably took me fifteen minutes to complete.  I did not like being in this situation.  The law firm required me to bill a certain number of hours per year but then did not provide me with enough work to meet that billable requirement.  Nor would they allow me to perform real attorney work because I was a Staff Attorney.  As such, I could be honest, bill a few hours and be fired or I could be dishonest and pad my hours, keep my job but feel guilty about it.  I wanted to work but I wasn’t allowed to.  It was the lawn mower issue all over again.

I became anxious and depressed.  My marriage suffered.  I spent my days arguing with a co-worker through long email chains about whether God was real or not.  I surfed the web.  It was there and then that I discovered a certain website called StarTrek.com.  I start posting on the message board and became a member of the community.  When the members migrated over to another website called SisterTrek.net, I did too.  And so began my foray into the world of internet trolling.  I had a shame-based personality.  I was anxious and depressed because of my job.  I felt overpaid, useless and stuck.  Finally, I had unlimited access to the internet.  That combination of situations made it impossible for me not to troll.

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The Shame of Document Review

In February of 2001, I joined a team of seven other Staff Attorneys on the 54th floor of the Bell Atlantic Tower. At first I was relieved to no longer be unemployed and happy to be starting a new experience that could potentially launch my professional career as a practicing attorney.  For the first few days I attended orientation sessions on the lower floors and felt like I was being integrated into the firm.  But after that I spent my time on the 54th floor and rarely visited the floors below.  I quickly found out that the rest of the firm looked down upon us (even though we were physically above them) because we did not have the pedigree they had (that is, the Staff Attorneys did not graduate at the top of their class from a top-tier law firm).  For a time, I was fine with this as I thought this job would be temporary.  I knew I would not be getting a lot of legal experience but the pay was a lot higher than I could make at any other firm that was willing to hire me at the time.  Furthermore, the fact that I worked for Dechert seemed to impress a lot of people.

The truth turned out to be different from the image this job seemed to project to the outside world.  Dechert hired Staff Attorneys to perform a function that was below the dignity of the associates who had the correct pedigree. That function was document review.

The document archive on the 54th floor contained hundreds (perhaps thousands) of bankers’ boxes filled with documents.  The firm hired me just before the mainstream application of electronic discovery.  As such, most of the documents I reviewed were actual, physical pieces of paper.  The documents were collected from the paper files, desks and computers in the offices of various high level (or otherwise important to the litigation) employees of the tobacco company the law firm defended.  The plaintiffs requested these documents be produced during the discovery phase of the litigation.  My job was to review the documents to determine if the tobacco company could withhold the documents based upon the attorney-client privilege.

The attorney-client privilege (basically) applies to all communications between an attorney and client.  The purpose of the privilege is to encourage the free communication between an attorney and client, which in theory allows for more effective representation.  The tobacco company could claim a privilege existed if a document involved an attorney in the distribution list of the document or the document related to instructions or advice from an attorney.  These attorneys could be either in-house lawyers managing the day-to-day legal affairs of the company or external attorneys hired for litigation purposes (as was the firm I worked for).

Attorneys were required to determine whether the attorney client privilege applied but the tobacco companies did not want to pay an associate $200 an hour to review documents.  So this work was performed by Staff Attorneys specifically hired to perform this function and no other.  Later, law firms like Dechert would figure out that they could hire contract attorneys to perform this function and pay them even less than staff attorneys.  This would provide level below the Staff Attorneys that they could look down on.

In one sense it was a mistake for me to take this job because although the pay was great and the firm sounded prestigious, it was a dead-end position and effectively ended the possibility of advancement as an attorney within the legal community.  On the other hand, it makes sense that I did take the job.  It was a safe decision.  I would not be challenged and therefore not have a real opportunity for failure.  It was the culmination of my shame journey because by taking this job I had to finally face all the demons in my life that caused me shame.  This would end up being an excruciating eight-year journey.  But I believe in some strange way it was necessary to get to the point where I am now.

Here are the reasons why this job was particularly shaming to me.  First, document review (for me) was the most boring, dehumanizing, depressing activity I could ever have conceived in my life.  I had graduated from law school.  I passed the Pennsylvania bar on my first try. I wrote opinions for a judge and now I was sitting in a cubicle reviewing boxes of documents day after day within a law firm that treated me as if I were a lower form of life and did not really deserve to be there.  Furthermore, I was not expanding or developing my skills as an attorney and therefore becoming less and less marketable the longer I stayed in that position.

Second, Law firms are very hierarchical and uniquely tailored to humiliate someone with a shame-based personality.  Because Dechert was one of the more prestigious law firms in Philadelphia, many attorneys who worked there took a snooty, condescending attitude towards other less prestigious firms.  Within the firm itself many of those at the top of the hierarchy looked down upon the ones below.  Part of this had to do with the legal pedigree but it also had to do with the amount of money they made relative to one another.  There were the partners on the top making millions of dollars every year.  There were the associates making hundreds of thousand every year.  There were paralegals and secretaries making tens of thousands every year. Staff Attorneys (the group I belonged to) were a new development and were wedged somewhere in between the associates and the paralegals.  Associates especially looked down on the staff attorneys not only because the staff attorneys lacked both the pedigree and made less money but also because the associates existed underneath the partners who looked down upon them. The associates naturally wanted to pass this shame along to the next rung. Such is the dynamic of shame.

Meanwhile, if I told someone who did not work at Dechert that I worked at Dechert they would always be very impressed.  I always felt ashamed and tried to down play it by explaining that I was a Staff Attorney performing document review and not really a part of the firm.  For some reason, these people usually would not accept this.  They would tell me I was cutting myself short.  But to me it would be too shameful to take credit for working at a firm that I felt did not really want me as an employee.

I must answer the eight hundred pound elephant of a question.  Why did I not leave this job for another job that would give me legal experience and less misery?  Shame kept me there. I did not feel like I could go out on my own because I did not have any experience.  I wanted someone to take me under their wing.  At the same time I did not leave because the salary was too good but the longer I stayed, the less experience I had and the less likely I would be able to get a job with a different firm who would give me experience.  Ultimately, it was safer to stay there than to leave and I was afraid of change.  In this sense I cannot really blame Dechert.  That firm employed me after all.  For a shame-based person it was not a pleasant place to work.

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