Spiritual Isolation

treesI have always been very confident that there is a greater reality that underlies the reality in which our every day life takes place. I suppose this is what the terms “heaven” and “the Kingdom of God” attempt to describe in Christian terminology.

I once had a dream where I experienced this greater reality directly. In my dream I was in a green room lit from some unknown source. There was a low humming sound in the background like a florescent light bulb. What was distinctive about this experience was that it felt “more real” than my every day experience. Along with this feeling of “real” there was also the feeling of recognition or gnosis. It seemed very familiar but not in the deja vu way where I am aware that something is familiar but cannot connect all the dots. In this experience the feeling was simply a timelessness and I felt like I knew with absolute certainty that what I was experiencing was the reality that underlay reality. When I woke up I felt an extreme sense of disappointment and a longing to get back to that ultimate reality. I had the feeling that that place was home and where the important action was happening. It pointed out the fact that in my waking life was an exile hidden by the illusion of normalcy. I had the sense that I was being left out of something that I should be a part of.

Similarly, I remember feeling left out in elementary school when I was not in the smart kid group but felt I should have been.  I was always picked last for kick ball.  I could never get the girls to like me.  People treated me like a loser.  Anytime I put myself out there and tried something new I was humiliated. To defend myself I isolated myself.  This provided some measure of protection but now I know it was me who was leaving myself out.  Because it hurt less than being actively left out by others I kept at it.  But as a result I never got good at those things I isolated myself from.  In a sense I perpetuated my sense of being left out by preventing myself from mastering those skills I would have gained had I put myself out there despite the fear of humiliation. Regretfully, I never had that moment of recognition and struggle to set things right. Now in many ways I am an adult struggling to catch up with everyone else.

I always felt the saddest part of A Christmas Carol was the scene where Ebenezer Scrooge finally shows up to the dinner party hosted by his nephew Fred.  Fred had been inviting him for years to come to dinner on Christmas Day but Scrooge always declined.  When Scrooge finally knocked on the door I imagine he half expected to be rejected but he took a chance and knocked on that door anyway.  I have cried many times watching this scene late at night and perhaps a bit buzzed. There is something about seeing Fred welcome Scrooge with non-judgmental acceptance and genuine happiness that elicits this emotion in me.

There is a connection between these three anecdotes. I am aware that I have been separated from my true self or home. Whether this means my soul, heaven, my true calling in life or all of these things I am not entirely certain. Along with this separation is attached the emotions of longing and sadness. When I see this separation depicted allegorically through literature I experience an emotional release. Emotions (particularly uncontrollable emotions) are always true. That is, they are always there for a reason. Their existence is a clue or a piece of evidence pointing towards a greater truth that what I suspect most people normally experience in their everyday life.

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “Spiritual Isolation

  1. You are a douchebag. Remember that.

  2. thordaddy

    wS…

    You believe yourself able to attack your “enemies” in the most abstract manner. Buttjew also seemingly forget that you are actually attacking real people who live real lives and have great perception for the ravenous “weak” amongst them. And then when one of those people hits back atjew, jew do whatjew do. It’s pathetic. And it is ultimately why jew got picked last.

    Your “woe-is-me” narrative ACTUALLY OPERATES like a sledge-hammer samurai sword on anyone you perceive as “better” than you.

    You cannot be a Roman Catholic and spiritually isolated ALL IN THE SAME being. You must be split in two at the minimum to pull off the above.

    This split is at the root of your radical autonomy and anti-white Supremacy and explains almost everything you do here online.

    • Who have I ever attacked? You are attacking me for being honest and your methods seem pathetic to me.

      Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? I would invite you to run along and go pollute some other blog with your bizarre and evil beliefs.

      • thordaddy

        wS…

        DID SOMEONE PICK YOU LAST?

        DID SOMEONE TAKE THE GIRLS’ ATTENTION FROM YOU?

        DID SOMEONE UNFAIRLY GET EQUAL INTELLECTUAL KUDOS AS YOU?

        Who is this SOMEONE?

        It is not YOU OR SOCIETY…

        It is a real person(s).

        Don’t they have a right to defend themselves against your abstract attack couched as spiritual isolation?

      • You are confused. I was merely describing my state of mind. An attack requires an intent to attack.

        But this actually provides an interesting insight into your race dominated philosophy and perception of the world. You see attacks that do not exist and you are looking for an asylum against these perceived attacks. I think this explains why you retreat to your “race” as a place of safety.

      • thordaddy

        wS…

        I think we’ve established your anti-white Supremacy to the extent that one could expect a denial of your intent to attack AN ACTUAL PERSON who picked you last… Took female attention from you… And unfairly glowed in your intellectual light… A REAL PERSON YOU HAVE ATTACKED ABOVE WITH THIS POST UNDER THE GUISE of spiritual isolation.

        WHO IS THIS person(s) who forced you into spiritual isolation?

        I say such thing is a self-induced dilemma rooted in your anti-wS.

      • dB…
        Again, your perception of non existent attacks goes a long way to explain your paranoid state of mind and your philosophy of racism that naturally results.

      • thordaddy

        wS…

        There is no “retreating” to “race.”

        YOUR RACE just is…

        And your childrens’ race IS YOU…

        And only through the (f)athers do they learn (P)erfection.

        So in fact, YOU ARE REFUSING to provide and protect your children BECAUSE YOU ARE WHITE…

        WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS INSANITY?

      • dB…

        If you are the representative of white people I am happy to count myself and my children out of this “grouping”.

        Luckily you do not represent white people even though you are under the illusion that you do.

      • thordaddy

        wS…

        I am not part of a group of white people. I am truly apart from white people even the ones you pretend are “me” so as to give the illusion that you really were not for FORCED INTEGRATION of ALL PEOPLE, ie., “universal equality…”

        So I say YOU CALL for a PUBLIC AND PRIVATE SEPARATION FROM white Supremacy AS an avowed Catholic AND BE TRUE TO YOURSELF for once in your life!

        OR ELSE…

        A real charlatan.

      • dB…

        Race is as important as a person chooses to make it in their life. You choose to view everything through this lens. Not everyone wants to do this.

        I have said that I do not identify as a white supremacist so I am not sure what point you are attempting to make about being true to myself.

      • thordaddy

        wS…

        That’s not the issue…

        The issue is demonizing those with an ability to see through a racial lense all the while slimultaneously outsourcing the deleterious consequences suffered by those who absolutely cannot see through a racial lense ONTO the regenerate aspect of society.

      • thordaddy

        And doing this ^^^ under the “command” of Christ, to boot.

      • I don’t know what you are talking about but scripture is quite clear about loving one’s neighbor despite your twisted interpretation.

      • thordaddy

        wS…

        WHO CHOOSES YOUR NEIGHBOR?

      • That’s not relevant. Did the Jews and Samaritans choose each other as neighbors?

      • thordaddy

        Your free will is irrelevant?

      • Who chooses your neighbor is irrelevant.

      • thordaddy

        wS…

        Why in the world would YOU get to decide the relevancy or irrelevancy of who chooses MY neighbor?

        The fact that you do not care how YOUR neighbor comes to be your neighbor and this apathy of yours is credited to your interpretation of Christianity IN NO WAY SHOULD HAVE BEARING on those who see things one hundred and eighty degrees differently. Those who absolutely do care about how their neighbor comes to be and how his origination can accord with Christianity is very relevant to “us.” The bad neighbor’s free will does not supersede the good neigbor’s free will.

      • The commandment is to love thy neighbor as thyself. It makes no reference to choosing neighbors. Clearly the Jews and the Samaritans did not choose each other in the parable of the Good Samaritan (which defines what a neighbor is according to Christ).

        A white supremacist such as yourself is perfectly free to choose his own neighbor as well as choose whether to love his neighbor or not. But if you want to be a Christian you have to acknowledge the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself.

        I clearly never made any claim to want to choose your neighbor for you. That is obviously a red herring.

        I think we should end this here. I don’t feel like wasting my time re-covering this ground.

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