Trolling does not have the same hold on me now because I have made progress with shame. To make progress I first had to hit rock bottom, which occurred between 2009 and 2013. In 2009 my marriage was horrible. My wife and I did not get along at all. I was stressed out of my mind from my job and my home life. I remember thinking at the time the best part of my day was the time I spent commuting on from my house to work. I smoked a cigarette on the way to the bus. I spent a large part of my workday trolling Sistertrek. I drank at least five alcoholic drinks practically every night. I was a mess.
At the time I was working this pharmaceutical document review in a building near Logan Circle in Philadelphia. This was considered to be a high-end document review with a million different rules that I never fully learned and I do not think most people really understood. I could tell my supervisor thought I did not know what I was doing which made me depressed and anxious. Looking back on it I could tell I was self-sabotaging.
The building I worked in was near the basilica in Logan Circle. I went to the basilica during my lunch hour and prayed a novena to St. Jude the patron saint of lost causes that something would happen to change my career and my life.
St. Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases, and of things despaired of. Pray for me who am so distressed. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded you to bring visible and speedy help where help was almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, particularly, to bring change and progress to my career and my life and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. St. Jude, apostle, martyr, and relative of our Lord Jesus Christ, of Mary, and of Joseph, intercede for us!
On the ninth day of the novena I received a call from human resources to come to the main office building of the firm which at this time was in the Cira Center next to 30th Street Station. I knew why they called me. People had been laid off in waves for months. I feared the day but thought I was safe because I actually had work to do and real billable hours. I figured the people they were letting go could not bill enough to justify their salaries. At the time Dechert was all about streamlining expenses and cutting perks that made life less miserable for the employees. After receiving the call I deleted all the personal files on my laptop and walked down JFK Boulevard to the Cira Center.
When I got there I was ushered into a conference room with two human resources people. They had empathy plastered on their faces. They seemed surprised when they asked me if I had any questions and I said no. I am sure they were used to people blowing up at them. On some basic level I felt relieved. I had spent eight miserable years working at Dechert and this day would be my last. Although there was brightness associated with closing this miserable chapter of my life I was about to begin a hellish, four-year period of being unemployed and underemployed. Everything was about to get worse before it could get better.