I spent quite a bit of time baiting Admiralbill. I think it was more than five years before I was banned from the website. By the time that happened I wanted to be banned. I needed to end the endless cycle. It drained my energy. I was constantly thinking of new ways to piss him off. To this day part of me still hates how mean and self-righteous he was. It is enough motivation for me to vote Democrat knowing that in some small way it gets back at him.
There is definitely an addictive cycle when it comes to trolling. First there is the exhilaration of making a smart post that proves my enemy wrong or makes him look foolish. Next, and this is usually after he responds with something I did not expect or perhaps a thread has gone on too long and both of us look foolish, self-loathing kicks in. Self-loathing, of course does not feel good. It inspired in me a new resolve never to take part in these foolish exchanges again. Then slowly the compulsion to get back in the game reemerges. All it would take was a Paul Krugman article that I found particularly persuasive and I was back in. The exhilaration is the drug that for a moment takes away the pain I feel during the 90% of the rest of the addictive cycle.
I can really only speak for myself but I am pretty sure all internet trolls share a common personality type. They probably work jobs or live lives that are in someway unsatisfying. They want to feel special and crave attention and respect. They are highly dependent on the opinions of other people. When other people ganged up on Admiralbill I felt vindicated and victorious. When they ganged up on me I felt defeated and humiliated. And this is really at the heart of the matter, a message board troll feels intense shame. It is shame that motivates him to shame others.
My original goal as a troll was to get Admiralbill angry and responding to me. My secondary goal was to get other people to take my side. On some level I was operating under the delusion that if I said the right thing, made the strategic argument he would admit he was wrong. He was probably operating under the same premise.
There are three possible outcomes to any message board debate. One, the other person concedes defeat. This never happens but I suppose it is possible. The closest thing to this is that you get the last word in that digs at them and they do not respond. Two, you get ganged up on by everyone else and your allies run for cover. This is defeat, although a true troll will never admit this and will argue that he is being treated unfairly or is misunderstood in some fashion. Three, the moderator steps in and shuts the thread down. This is actually a relief sometimes. When this happens the troll can say to himself that he never gave up and fought the good fight (force majeure). If I got the last word in before the thread was shut down and before he got a chance to respond, it felt as good as any victory. If my adversary got the last word in, it stung but I could still say it was out of my hands.
As I said earlier when I got banned from Sistertrek I wanted to get banned. I could not simply walk away and never post again. My addiction was too strong. So I dug at the moderators until they banned me. It worked and that was a few years ago. To this day I still think about it and hate Admiralbill. But every day I do not participate in Sistertrek the hatred goes away a little bit more. I actually logged on to Sistertrek anonymously to see what was going on not too long ago. The website is basically run by conservatives and they kicked off all the liberals some time ago. It is a shell of the community it once was. There are no longer any lively debates as far as I can tell. This sort of makes me nostalgic for the good old days.
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