I felt like trolling was a waste of time but I was compelled to do it. That is why I had to get myself banned from the message board. There should be a rehab for trolling just as is for drug addiction. In reality internet trolling is every bit addicting as drugs are. Sometimes I think of all the trolls who cannot force themselves to stop. It is probably ruining their lives because getting back at these people who wronged them on the message board is all that a troll can think about. When I trolled I constantly and compulsively checked the board for a response to my posts and fearing a response to my posts at the same time. It became incredibly draining emotionally and at the same time it took top priority in my life.
I remember being really angry when another poster got the better of me but I tried hard not to let that show. I am sure Admiralbill was doing that as well but he had a very thin skin so he was not very successful. I remember how fun it was (and depressing) to get him to blow up. This point must be emphasized: a troll has to put forth the image that nothing affects him and that he thinks it is funny how his victims cannot control their emotions. Meanwhile, the troll is a simmering volcano. So on the one hand there is this aspect of a troll’s personality that really gets off on making other people angry (the limbic system / ego I suppose) then there is this other aspect that tells the troll this is wrong (the prefrontal cortex / super ego). Meanwhile the troll’s true-self sleeps in the background somewhere. The deeper a troll gets into trolling (or any addiction) the deeper his true-self sinks into sleep and the harder it will be to eventually wake him up.
I remember being infuriated when someone did not respond to a bait. At the same time I knew my targets well and was confident they would take the bait eventually. In fact, that was how they became targets in the first place. They were so reliable. I knew Admiralbill was a Republican, ex-navy guy, from Texas. So I knew that posting any article on any of those subjects would get him going especially if they made any of those institutions look even remotely bad. The Republican thing was easy because there was always an article on global warming, President Bush, the wars, the economy, the debt etc. If I was advising a neophyte troll I would suggest he read a prospective victim’s posts and find out the things that define this victim. Then post an article that puts any one of those things in a bad light. When they react stick with the issues in the article until they get personal. When this happens, claim only to want to stick to the issues rather than debase yourself by getting personal. Of course making things personal is precisely the point but this can never be admitted. It is totally passive aggressive and dishonest. It is claiming not to be doing what is obviously being done. This is the essence of shame-based behavior.
I did relapse a couple of times after I was banned from Sistertrek. Once I came back with the handle “The Gnostic” but everyone on the message board knew it was me immediately. They let me stay (I think because I made things interesting) until I got banned a second time. Every now and then I feel the urge to go back but I think I have got it pretty well under control at this point. I can see myself easily falling back into that behavior so now when I feel the urge I can usually talk myself out of it. I am sure one day I will relapse again. Once a troll, always a troll.
Read my ebook Shame and Internet Trolling. Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iBooks.