10 Things That Make Me Anxious

This list is in no particular order.  Anxiety is about fear.

1.  Being left out

My first post is about this.  This feeling has been with me for my entire life.  I was the kid picked last for the kick ball team on the play ground.  I never felt good enough.  Every time I moved somewhere new I felt like an outsider.  It is the same feeling I had as a kid in my parents’ house looking out the window and feeling like everyone else is having a better time and I am not entitled to that better time.

2.  Need to do something 

This feeling is newer.  My last post touched on this.  I remember sleeping to 1:00 PM during the summer when I was younger.  It felt great.  Today I cannot sleep past 7:30 AM without feeling panicked.  Somewhere along the way I internalized that sleeping in that late was shameful and lazy.

3.  Being Judged

In supermarkets old people look at me with disgust.  I am not sure they are actually doing this (I suspect they are not) but I feel like they are judging me.  It is the “Greatest Generation” concept that makes me feel like my generation is the reason things are worse now because my generation is lazy, undisciplined, ungrateful and selfish.

4.  Being Late

There was a time when if I was late to an appointment I would freak out in my car if someone was driving slowly in front of me.  This feeling has to do with my father.  I remember being late and he looked at me with an expression that said, “you can’t be trusted because you are undisciplined and incompetent.”  To this day I  leave extra early for appointments and usually end up waiting in my car for a half an hour in a parking lot.  I would rather do that than be late.

5.  Fearing Failure

The prospect of failure and the humiliation that goes along with it makes me anxious.  This fear keeps me from acting and taking risks sometimes.  I am better at recognizing this fear now after going through Gestalt therapy.  By recognizing the fear I gain separation from it and that frees me up a little.  This certainly was not something that happened overnight.

6.  Fearing Societal Breakdown

The Romans had it good.  Then came the dark ages.  It is possible for society to regress and break down.  Things do not always improve.  When I was younger I feared nuclear war.  Later I feared peak oil and Y2K.  I think this fear is connected with the fear of failure but on a larger level.  Societal failure is my failure on some level.  This fear is also linked with the fear of being left out.  If society fails then I will miss out on a life that I otherwise would have enjoyed.

7.  Fearing Health Problems

I fear that my diet and bad habits will take their toll on me.  My brother-in-law dropped dead of a heart attack in his 40s and he did not drink much or smoke.  On the other hand, both my parents drink and my mother smokes and they are both in their late 70s.

8.  Fearing Assault

I fear being physically attacked or robbed.  I fear my children being kidnapped or killed in an accident.

9.  My Parents

Being around my parents makes me anxious.  I suppose it is the fear of being judged and they are probably who taught me to fear that.

10. My Children

I love my children and want to provide them with good lives.  Sometimes it feels like my best efforts do not produce the results I am looking for.  I suppose I fear being judged and judging myself.

This list is in no particular order.  Anxiety is about fear.

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2 Comments

Filed under Anxiety

2 responses to “10 Things That Make Me Anxious

  1. Very honest and revealing. I can relate to most of these fears as should a fairly good portion of logical society. If I may offer some friendly insight I would say if you learn acceptance or self love most of these fears can be dissolved in the knowledge that they can and might come true but you are still loved anyways. THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU.

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